Addiction Help

FIXING SELF (EVER TRY?)

Life right now gets a bit tipsy turvey. I don't know if it's the time of the year or being self-employed in our current times, but I look forward to smoother sailing ahead.

Yesterday I had the occasion to talk at length with my oldest son. He is new into recovery and doing well, and for that I am grateful.

We chatted a bit about what happened to him and of course, I learned a lot. He had been using and abusing substance for a lot longer than I had been aware, and hid it well from all but a very few.

He had witnessed my trials and tribulations with addiction, the resultant behaviour and the downward slide. I asked him why he had not sought help earlier.

His answer rang a bell- I thought I could take care of it myself. Sound familiar?

I marvel at how many wander through life knowing they have a problem and always figuring they could fix it themselves. They might consult a book or look up things on the net, yet their ego stops them from reaching out for help. Man, can I relate. I guess I was not the only self-enlightened egotist out there.

Upon reflection on the conversation and thinking back; there were some things I now understand and hope others can draw a conclusion through honest personal reflection.

My best efforts got me to my bottom. Plain and simple. Although I'm not stupid, I always believed I could put a halt to things when I wanted. I tried some things including (white knuckle) abstinence and while abstaining, some things did get better (particularly in the morning). Yet real life issues continued to slide. It took a major life altering experience for me to gain a moment of clarity and seek some help, and it did not come initially from anything I thought was directly connected to addiction.

But a strong suggestion came from left field.

What a relief when I finally reached out and got some help! In my case it was professional help, and through that start, the avenues of help I have accepted are not only professional, but through 12 step programmes. Personally I needed, and at times still need, help beyond my 12 step program. I had "life" issues outside of my addictions.

I often refer to co-creative recovery, and truly believe that to get the life that was meant for me, I needed lots of expertise (co-creators) to help me get there, and this included building a solid spiritual component into my life. When I first became ready to get help, I personally was not ready for a public step or a group. I needed a confidential listener with the expertise to help me look at options, listen to me without judgement, and guide me to find a path and set goals that ultimately worked for me. I needed a "coach". As much as I had a good background in working with others, I know today I could not have possibly fixed myself. I needed to be guided.

I rankle some people because I did not do it there way. I am glad they have found a way that works for them, and respect anyone who has had the courage to make positive change. That being said, if there was one "right way", all those who struggle would find an answer/solution to their living issues! I am so grateful for the path I was led to, what has happened and to the people and higher power that have helped me find the way.

I am thrilled that my son learned at a much earlier age than me that he could not fix himself. I know that his exposure to what I went through and the path that I took was a power of example to him, but he alone had the courage to take action. In talking with him, I know his action is fairly massive and all I can do is be there to support him. He is making wise choices without my help and co-creatively is on a positive journey. I'm proud of him.

Point of this ramble, and thanks son for bringing it back to the forefront; if you think you can fix yourself, what's stopped you? In the Bible, I know there was similar thought and I think the quote may be "physician, heal thyself". As said about lawyers, any one of them who chooses to defend themselves has a fool for a client. For me, the same was true for recovery and life transformation. There is no one right way for all, and there are people who can help you to find a way that will work for you! I'm dedicated to helping others where I can. (www.hopeserenity.ca home of Coached To Success).